Slash - Beautiful Dangerous

(Originally written for Under City Lights / Rare FM)

When Slash announced that his first solo album proper was going to feature vocal performances from a wide array of musicians old and new, one singer I was exceptionally sceptical about was Fergie of The Black Eyed Peas. Single no. 3 from the top hatted guitarist however proves to be one of Fergie’s best performances. Her voice soars over Slash’s trademark riffing, proving both the perfect accompaniment to the heavy guitars and commanding an audience of its own. It’s surprising, but Fergie sounds completely in her element in a rock context as she bellows the infectious chorus and steal’s Slash’s limelight. Indeed, “Beautiful Dangerous” is amongst the strongest tracks from the album and it’s shocking that it has only just been released as a single due to the potential cross-over appeal. Still, this is rock and roll through and through and well worth a listen.

Looks That Aren't Standing The Test of Time

(In a bold change from the usual proceedings of reviews, here is an article I wrote for Pi Magazine's 'Style' issue that basically involved me being slightly mean about lots of fantastic musicians. This version is slightly longer than the one that got printed, so enjoy it in all its extended glory. Also, all images in this version are shamelessly stolen from Google Image Search. Sorry about that.)

Music is unquestionably intertwined with image and some of the best musicians out there have rocked rather striking aesthetics in their time. Whilst their classic albums and musical contributions will remain timeless*, their creators will not. Here are a few not-so-stylish stalwarts who have aged far from gracefully.

*Okay, the music of Dead or Alive and Poison has aged horribly, but I will never stop listening to Look What The Cat Dragged In.

Robert Smith
(The Cure)

Pioneering the classic goth look in the ‘80s, no one expects Robert Smith to look clean-cut and trendy. But then, equally, no one expects Robert to look like he was rejected for the title role in the film adaptation of Stephen King’s ‘It’ – for those of you who don’t know ‘It’, what I’m getting at is Smith looks like an evil clown.

Pete Burns
(Dead Or Alive / ‘Celebrity Big Brother’)

Now, the last thing I wish to imply is that Pete Burns ever looked fashionable. The ‘You Spin Me Right Round’ video has him with teased, backcombed hair and an eye-patch, caught adrift in an ocean of ribbons and garishly coloured pop nonsense. But at least he looked vaguely human. Nowadays, his face has been stretched so much that he resembles a monster from Beetlejuice and his lips look like you could pop them just by looking at them too intensely.

Bret Michaels
(Poison / ‘Rock of Love’)

I’ve never seen anyone so insecure of their receding hairline that they have to wear a cowboy hat over a bandana. Take it off Bret, that weave is fooling nobody.

Axl Rose
(The Band Previously Known As Guns N’ Roses)

(2002, 2006, 2010)

I really thought it couldn’t get worse than the multi-coloured braids and hockey jerseys, but Axl Rose’s current look reeks of a middle aged man desperately trying to be “down with the kids”. You’re never going to be considered ‘relevant’ with a Fu Manchu, Axl.

Adam Ant
(Adam & The Technicolour Dreamcoat)

Marginally bizarre clothes aside, there is something moderately inhuman about Adam Ant nowadays. So much so that he looks like more like Kryten from Red Dwarf than Prince Charming.

Iggy Pop
(Iggy & The Stooges / Really annoying car insurance ads)

Please Iggy. Just put your shirt back on and we can pretend your leathery, drug-addled body never happened. Also, if there’s anyone I wouldn’t trust to sell me car insurance, it’s you and your creepy puppet clone.

Boy George
(Culture Club)

The New Romantic look was always a bit of an extreme one but in the last few years, ‘80s crooner Boy George can’t decide whether he wants to be an androgynous “Right Said” Fred Fairbrass or Phil Mitchell from Eastenders.

Madonna
(The Madge Madgeson Experience)

I love Madonna’s music as much as any self-respecting man (i.e. with a crippling sense of guilt and irrevocable shame) but the woman has transformed beyond creepy. She’s a Frankenstein creation made from Iggy Pop’s arms, a partially melted wax-model head and a shop mannequin’s legs. Amidst all the horrifically revealing costumes and relentless gyrating, all that enters my mind is that Madonna’s a parent. A weird, freaky, 52 year old parent.

Survival Awards

Lemmy Kilmister
(Motörhead)

Considering he’s 437 years old, Lemmy actually looks remarkably young. Or at least he would, if it wasn’t for the face-altering boils by his beard. Still, Kilmister deserves only respect for being rock & roll incarnate and still dressing like he walked out of a heavy metal spaghetti-western.

Keith Richards
(The Rolling Stones)

For all intents and purposes, Keith should have died multiple times during the ‘70s. Fair play to the guy for having more lives than a cat, even if he does generally look like a maddened homeless man.

Five albums that have had some vaguely profound effect on me

In a bit of a change to normal proceedings, I thought it might be worth detailing a few of my all time favourite albums so that anyone reading my reviews can better understand where my opinions might be coming from... that or quickly dismiss everything I write due to 'poor musical taste'. Either one.

System of a Down – Toxicity

I remember being given this by a friend who had grown tired of it when I was around 13. I was already a fan of System of a Down from a mixed CD someone had given me a while before, but I think this was the first proper album I’d ever had. Toxicity for me is associated with so many disparate and different memories, almost all of which were good, and consequently merely listening to the album is a huge nostalgia trip. I remember when I first got it, it didn’t leave my CD player at all for a week – it was all I listened to. System of a Down have always been a hugely energetic band and this record was probably their peak. Between Serj Tankien’s ridiculously versatile voice (frequently switching between violent shouting to wonderfully smooth and quiet in the space of a second) and Daron Malakian’s utterly bizarre and unconventional song-writing, Toxicity is certainly a unique album. Definitely not an album that would suit the taste of all, but one that really clicks when presented to the right listener.

Guns N’ Roses – Appetite for Destruction

Now this was the first album I ever bought with my own money and as such, will always have a special place in my CD collection like the sentimental geek I am. The song ‘It’s So Easy’ floored me from the start, with Axl Rose’s suave low vocals promoting rebellion, drink-driving and misogyny before eventually cracking in to an obscenely high-register declaration of how “fuckin’ easy” it all is. Bolstered by the amazing guitar interplay between Slash and Izzy Stradlin – probably two of rock n’ roll’s greatest guitarists – and all locked together by great rhythm section of Duff McKagan and Steven Adler, ‘It’s So Easy’ was only the start of what was to come. Every song on Appetite is brilliantly crafted, from the scratched rhythms of Izzy to Slash’s amazing leads, to the brilliantly wild vocals, everything is perfect. The tracks had clearly been honed to perfection and emanate a dangerous brilliance that would never be as rawly presented on consequent Guns albums. From the sing-along chorus of ‘Night-Train’ to the all time classic rock ballad ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ or the rhythmically sexy riffing of ‘Rocket Queen’, this was late 80’s rock debauchery caught on record.

Megadeth – Rust In Peace

This is the best thrash metal album in existence and will never be topped. Many have come awfully close (Testament’s The Gathering, Metallica’s Ride The Lightning and Master of Puppets), but they just don’t quite reach the bar set by Mustaine and co.’s masterpiece. Filled to the brim with bizarre and idiosyncratic riffs and literally face-melting solos from Marty Friedman and Dave Mustaine, this album is almost a completely perfect thrash platter. Often remembered for the singles such as ‘Holy Wars… The Punishment Due’ and ‘Hangar 18’, every track boasts some kind of accomplishment – be it in ridiculous speed and technicality of ‘Take No Prisoners’, the chilling lyrics and incredible solo of ‘Tornado of Souls’ or the utterly haunting nature of ‘Lucretia’, the album shines from start to finish. The only let down are Dave’s somewhat strained vocals, but even they are not without their charm, adding a quality of perfectly apt desperation to ‘Tornado of Souls’ or roaring like a monstrous being on both ‘Five Magics’ and more prominently so on the title track, ‘Rust In Peace’. Even weird filler track ‘Dawn Patrol’ seems to slot in rather well and provides an ominous break between the ferociousness of the rest of the album.

Andrew W.K. – The Wolf

I think my fanboyish obsession for Andrew W.K. found its feet the first I listened to his debut album proper, the beautifully titled I Get Wet. It was 35 minutes of over the top, full throttle, happy and energetic music. It was basically a party in music format with youthful enjoyment as the main subject matter of the entire record. W.K.’s second album, The Wolf, changed things a bit. Still there was the bombastic multi-layered instrumentation, the anthemic shouted vocals and the general good times of I Get Wet. But now there was some added versatility on the album, with songs ranging from surprisingly moving piano driven ballads about never giving up to raucous feel-good tracks such as ‘Long Live The Party’. As a whole, the lyrics were much less one more dimensional than on Andrew’s previous platter of music, with W.K. taking a far more introspective approach to his life. Whilst it’d be probably be an exaggeration to call them particularly deep, there was a wonderful simplicity to Andrew detailing his faults and how they made him more determined to go forth and rock hard. Whilst W.K. has been dismissed as little more than a gimmick musician to many a self-proclaimed muso, there seems to be a genuinely heartfelt and somewhat child-like passion in every one of his releases. I’ve always felt those who don’t get it really are missing out.

Devin Townsend – Synchestra

After discovering Strapping Young Lad, it only made sense to look in to the solo work of the Lad’s master-mind, Devin Townsend. My initial discovery was the single ‘Vampira’, which piqued my interest quickly with its Judas Priest-esque song-writing but I was left speechless when I listened to the album Synchestra in full. ‘Vampira’ actually seems quite atypical of the album with songs like ‘Triumph’ being versatile 7 minute romps laden with dense layers of instrumentation, ethereally harmonised vocals and completely off the wall musical changes. Bookended by the subdued acoustic opener ‘Let It Roll’ and the happy pop-rock of closer ‘Sunshine & Happiness’, this album is a brilliant exercise in musical pick ‘n’ mix. A few of the tracks aren’t so much songs as instrumental pieces with voices merely acting as another layer to the music, but this works in the album’s favour, helping to draw things together and creating an amazing flow to the album. It’s hard to describe the album to those unfamiliar with Townsend’s work as the man has a very unique sense of melody and style of musical production. That wall of sound that ‘Hevy Devy’ has become synonymous with is crafted to perfection on most of his solo albums, but somehow comes across as its best on ‘Synchestra’ with the layering on songs such as ‘Notes From Africa’ making the record utterly infectious.

Honourable Mentions;

It was extremely difficult to wittle my favourites down to merely five albums so here are a few that didn't quite make the cut but are as good as the aforementioned five.

Iced Earth – Night of the Stormrider
Furious triplets, ridiculously hell-bent concepts, a hugely ominous tone to the album and in general, just some mildly pretentious ball-busting heavy metal. This is a great album, even if not perhaps the best by Iced Earth overall. Tracks like the epic ‘Travel In Stygian’ make it a must listen for metal aficionados though.

Helloween – Keeper of the Seven Keys Pt. 1 & 2
Kai Hansen and Michael Weikath basically invented power metal with these two albums. Between their ferociously melodic guitar duelling and Michael Kiske’s incredible vocals, Keepers remains at the top of the genre it created.

Savatage – Ghost In The Ruins
Probably one of the greatest live metal albums in existence. As my first experience of Savatage, this live offering did everything right to keep me interested. Not only is every member of the band an amazing player, but this album showcases just how diverse and brilliant the song-writing of the Oliva brothers can be.

Skyclad - Prince Of The Poverty Line
Pioneers of the seemingly impossible amalgamation of folk and metal, classic-era Skyclad is fantastic not only for the Thin Lizzy meets Pentagle style music but for Martin Walkyier's insightfully bitter and cleverly written lyrics.

Extreme – Pornograffitti
Coming out at the tail-end of the glam / hair-metal insurgence of America, Extreme’s second album offered something very different to their somewhat typical hair band debut. Mixing funk rhythms with catchy hard rock and musical virtuosity resulted in one of the most danceable albums of the rock spectrum.